stares into nothingness

dazed and confused also.

2006-04-09T23:45:00.000+09:00

*am back blogging! great stress reliever :)

i really really thought I was over. For some time, I didn't CARE. I was honestly getting annoyed over some things. But then, something had to happen. How could a few (3, to be exact) hours make soooooo much difference? F**k it's making me crazy!!!

Why did I have to cancel my original plan that day? Why did I opt to agree with the alternate plan? Freak, why?!?!?

I know its not for me. Right from the start (okay, not from the very start). But still, why am i still feeling this way :( ?

I went to church earlier, and i actually listened to the pastor's preaching, and it hit home. haaayyyy, i really am trying to think and rationalize things out, but i can't come up with even one realization.

I'm just happy with the fact that i still have not cried over this thing, and yeah the fact that God has something GREAT in store for me, and i just have to wait. Even if it means being confused all the time.

If there's one thing, I trust Him. I just have to cope and take a deep breath: one step at a time.

"Life is a paradox. What you want, you don't get. What you get, you don't enjoy. What you enjoy is not permanent. What is permanent is boring. That's life, but they are meant to build the best in you."

Ha. I just wish.

ooohhh... U.P. spirit...

2005-08-28T14:38:00.000+09:00

watched the UP-Ateneo game last Thursday with my MBS co-apps and mems...we were situated sa lower box because one of the mems had access to really really nice tickets. As usual, U.P. lost (kawawa naman). But it was expected, didn't feel that depressed compared to my other friends.oh well.
The game was held sa blue eagle gym--> pagpasok ko pa lang, i began to form what-if thoughts like: "paano kaya kung dito ako nag-aral". Ateneo was my 2nd choice school, I did really consider it before I accepted my slot in UP.
Before the game started, I was kind of sad, thinking of the experience I might have given up. But I was totally WRONG. THE ATENISTAS--> grabe, ang yabang nila...hehehe... even the children were prepped up to grow up the "atenean way" ...whatever that meant.
The kids were making gestures na in your face yung mga ginagawa ng Ateneo, because sadly though, the UP players weren't really playing that well.

Hmmmppphhhhhh. U.P. shouldn't be treated that way.

We are going for green come finals.

______________________________________________________________
Being a patient really sucks big time. Having stomach problems is pure hell. I'm glad it's almost over.

katamaran, katamaran...

2005-08-11T23:57:00.000+09:00

midterms exams this week... hell week for me... thank God, it's over. I almost missed an exam last Wednesday. Ayan kasi, ang delinquente, hindi na pumapasok. Tuloy, hindi alam ang nangyayari sa mundo. Hahahaha. God is so great. Hindi niya kami pinabayaan ni Mikka.

i'm coughing like hell in my little cramped space sa condo. Shux, so much hassle. my throat is already burning: there is a friction-like sensation sa may throat area.

shopping is happiness. Tita Dy is online kanina, and i chatted with her. Haha...so bait, we went shopping together.. Odiba? hahaha.. I'm expecting a super super super duper duper cute bag this october. [ohhh, plus lots and lots of camis and a bikini].

*its just sucky that the world is unfair. We treat people unjustly. We blame someone for something that we do not know if they truly did it or not. And there are people who are just truly evil.*

.nada.

2005-08-07T01:07:00.000+09:00

assume. i hate the word. i totally hate the action. it makes a freakin' ass out of u and me. haaayyyy... before i was this big big assumer, but as i grew older, nababawasan na. THANK GOD!

rainy days never fail to remind me of my non-existent love life. I'm not complaining (as I've said in a blog months ago), but it just gets sad that you don't have somebody with you as the winds sweep away your hair... (harharhar..cheezy!) seriously, minsan, as the text message goes, nakakasawa maging single. (ooppsss...mik...wag magsalita ng tapos.) it's has been one of my life long fears: na tumanda ako ng dalaga. my family has old maids, and i'm afraid that "it" may apply to me also. Minsan naiisip ko: maganda naman kami ah. mabait. maganda ang family. EH BAKIT WALA PA RIN?!?!? hahahaha....

one more thing. i don't like sweet guys (*sob*sob*). They do sweet things and you tend to think about those things, and you realize (as in struck-by-the-lightning realize) na innate na yung mga gaanoong bagay sa kanila. So hindi lang ikaw ung girl na sinasabihan ka ng ganoon.(struck by lightning. ouch.) [abigail, i just realized this just now.]

sabi nga ba, i should just stick sa mga maangas types. hahaha.

gut for u abby, u finally found blue.

i finally know who i am...

2005-07-31T23:49:00.000+09:00

last night, i went to greenbelt with my balikbayan cousins. my first real real real bar experience, would you believe? it was fun at first, meeting all sorts of new people. but, as i "immersed" in that experience much longer, nagiging dragging na. parang what's the point? to an outsider, pwede nga siyang i-consider na mating ritual eh.

hehe. this is just my personal opinion. obviously, i don't see any relevance sa ganong klaseng fun. i mean, you gyrate your body with the opposite sex, drink booze until you zonk out, and then what? there are more problems in this world than snogging a guy or a girl.

i'm not saying that i won't go to another metropolitan bar ever. ang corny ko naman noon. i'll go, sure, but i wouldn't actually be enjoying myself to the fullest. beach bar? ay ibang usapan na yan.... (hehe)

besides, breeding ground yun sa mga liers and shits...haha. two groups of guys approached us and introduced themselves to us. taga la salle, i think. halata namang underaged sila, they were lying about their age pa. They have this bigger-than-life attitude, but in reality, they were just freakin' freshmen. hayayayayayayayay.........

shux, dalagang pilipina talaga ata ako. hehe.

just finished harry potter (with British accent). Sadness. but it was good. The novel was more humane compared to others. can't wait for the final one. i just don't understand why some people say its Unchristian-like. It's just sad because they are the ones who teach not to judge and all the talk-shit, but what are they doing? Heck, Harry Potter is about the battle between good and evil!

oh yeah, need to find another crush. the last one died a natural death.

2005-07-03T03:05:00.000+09:00

it's 2:15 in the am and i'm still awake...

just got home from jenny's 18th birthday. Because i procrastinated earlier, I promised myself that i have to finish a project for geology before i sleep. Where is creativity when one needs it?
i'm currently making a poster about my favorite place in the world: the beach.

even for as long as i can remember, i love everything connected to water. At an early age, I knew I wanted to swim. I started swimming when I was 4 or 5 or 6 (I really don't remember), but then I stopped. Daddy was crucial in forming the water baby in me. He used to take me to his office's pool and made me paddle there. My love for swimming resurfaced when I was in my pre-teen years. God knew I needed some form of exercise.

and so, i have come to love anything water. Heck, i can't live without my agua. I can finish 3 or 4 pitchers of water in a day.

I'm proud to say that my love affair with the beach did not start because of social purposes. Seriously, when i'm in the beach, i'm in my calmest. My own Hakuna Matata.

To top it all off, I am a Scorpio. Need I say more?

I know that when I grow up, I want to retire with the ocean as my background. *Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

P.S. The only thing that is keeping me awake right now is the scent of J'adore Dior. Loves it!

suckiness.

2005-07-01T21:03:00.000+09:00

i am a traditional person. for as long as i can remember, i hate the beginning of change. For example, when starting a new sem, i always dream of going back to last sem's sched. And i bet this would go on until I graduate from college. Suckiness.
Sometimes i wonder if i am a miss-able person. I wonder if people miss me because i have been away for quite some time. Maybe not, people who other people see every so often is being missed, while ole me? Unknown.
I don't think I'd ever say this, but when Friday comes, sadness creeps in. The feeling of being unworthy is coming back.

2005-06-25T16:58:00.000+09:00

P.S. I don't know how to fix my blog. Hehehehe...sucky layout and all i know :)

My teacher gave us a homework, and I am not thrilled. "What is the idealogy behind the Gloriagate issue?" It is not that I don't care about the present status of our country. I do, really. If I can help, I would, why not. But in my own little way. For heaven's sakes, I really do not grasp the concept of idealogy.

I am not the philosophical type. Spare me.

Paper's due on Tuesday. Still plenty of time to rack my brain and turn it into complete mush.

Help me God.

tuesday nights, wednesdays, and oh yeah, love...

2005-06-22T19:53:00.000+09:00

tuesday night, as usual, I and Marione were all alone in our condominium in Katipunan. Frau was out, as usual (such a party girl!). Since we didn't have any classes the next day (except for CWTS, which is hardly a class), we didn't know what to do. Our boredom led us to talk about anything under the sun. We dabbled into almost any topic we could think of: family, school, friends, tsismis, and of course, love. Wala lang, i realized na if ever given the opportunity to be in love NOW, i'd rather not (TOTOO BA YAN?!?!). Weird lang, almost all of my high school memories consisted of me yearning for somebody to love and for me to love in return. But, I'm thankful now kasi I'm contented with what I am and have. If it comes, then great. If it doesn't NOW, then great also. I know God is busily preparing my love story, perfecting and editing every part so vulnerable me would not get THAT hurt (it is inevitable, the hurt, i know) . I guess He is still working on page 1, and the book will probably finish by the time I'm ready (He alone knows when). I'll just wait happily. (",)

i just watched monster-in-law with abigail kanina. It was impromptu, our labas. Its because siguro what prompted me to invite her was because we have not been spending time together lately (NAKS!). Hahaha, i guess we just got used to being together all the time (summer ba naman, always ko siyang nakikita!) Of course, our little pasyal ay nauwi sa pagshopping. (hahaha~~always fun). So my wish lang, (and i know we can do it) na even if we wouldn't see each other all the time, our friendship stays the same. (.::senti mode::.)

i'm outta.

will wonders never cease....

2005-06-15T19:18:00.000+09:00

thank you abby for the concern! i love you so damned much!!!! (as a friend of coursieeee)

the world does truly go on...one time you're sad, the next you're feeling fine and okay. as of press time (?), i'm currently staying in prince david, na walang uwian... i thought i'd get major homesick by now, but but but...i'm actually feeling okay. Nice...at least my parents will not get surprised seeing me all of a sudden na lang. Special shout out to Marione and Frau for being there.

today, i had to go to school today because of (!gasp!) cwts training....shux...i hated the legislators because they had to pass this law...but then again, our professor explained to us that we need to do something in return to the govenment because it is the one who has been providing quality education for a very lowwww price. Fine fine. Anyway, while Ione, Frau, and I were walking alongside Katipunan, one of my wishful thinkings turned into reality.

WONDER # 1: I was walking with Marione and Frau. Opposite us were a group of students (from Ateneo). I spotted this one person who I had an inkling that it was Him.

I continued walking until he and I were alongside each other. I wasn't going to acknowledge him. Then suddenly...

He: Minette, ikaw ba yan?
Me: Uuuy :)

Then we went our separate ways...

Hahaha... how commerciall-y can you get? (Abby's words, not mine.) I have pictured in my mind the way we would meet again, but the real thing was something I never imagined it would be. (am i actually quoting novels?) All I wanted to prove was that I changed, "Look at me now!", and I guess, I've made my point. (!yey!)

WONDER #2
The person I just met a month ago was the perfect example of how guys can be such losers. I never really expected him to contact me again ever. Hello, he is attached. But again, wonders will never cease. He messaged me and made some lame-oh excuse about his absence. At least, gotta commend him for the effort. (Wait till Ate Ivy hears this.)

WONDER #3
I totally love surprises! When I opened my friendster today, I found out that I had a testimonial waiting for me from my cousin. Thank you! Thanks T Tet for somehow making me feel that I am appreciated.

P.S. Should change my title now.....

Crappy thoughts then some more...

2005-06-14T06:36:00.000+09:00

I hate June…the month full of crappy thoughts. Lately I’ve been Miss Pissed-off always. It’s as if happy thoughts are nil in my mind, and happy events can not occur. Thank God for people who, at least even for a second, can make me feel at peace with myself. Last Saturday, my family (father’s side) had our annual swimming trip. Being the water baby that I am, I was surprised at myself that I was not that excited about it. I just swam for an hour or two, max. Good thing Ate Ivy was there. As usual, we locked ourselves in one room and had a blast talking about anything under the sun. I knew she was always there for me, but lately, I’ve been noticing that we are getting much closer with each other. She was exactly what I needed: someone who appreciates me come crappy thoughts and bad mood. She is one of the few (unfortunate ones?) who knows what really is happening with my life. She was there while the world was getting drunk, and when this LOSER made his damn presence known. He is the reason why I will never watch Starwars. (haha.)

Maybe I should get Loneliness Management. My thoughts are getting bleaker and bleaker as the moments pass. Lately I’m excited to plan my own….(!gasp!) funeral. (What the?!?!?) While in church, I scribbled in the mass guide who I’d want to deliver their eulogies for me. FREAKY. Somehow the thought of my loved ones crying over my loss seem very appealing to me right know. (Someone should poke my head right now). If ever, I want it to be in white and fuschia. I originally wanted everyone (my family, my cousins, and my friends whom I consider close) to say something about the memories we’ve shared, but I figured it be too long and be boring. So I decided on these people instead:

My dad (I’ll spare my mom. I know she has stage fright)

All my sibs (I can’t eliminate one. I have to hear them ALL.)

Tita Dy (I haven’t seen her for the longest time and I miss her so.)

Ate Joy and Maiya (to bring forth laughter to my guests)

Abby (always a staple, the closest person to the person)

For those who care to read, I am not suicidal. Repeat. I am not suicidal. I am just bluer than the bluest blue.

P.S. Es tut meir leid for the uber boring skin. I can't find one that i like. Bear with it.

hello world.

2005-06-14T04:58:00.000+09:00

wow. my own blog. come to think of it, this is my second blog. i created one two years ago, but i got so lazy to the point that i actually did not post anything. hope this time i'll be more revved up.